Can you believe it’s already been 12 weeks? I remember anxiously waiting for Karina and now we’ve been together for almost 3 months. Alright, here we go.

I’ll cover- Breastfeeding, self-image, being a stay at home mom, how I’ve handled thousands of pieces of advice, and dealing with a colicky baby.

Okay so like I said, I have to start with after delivery. As you know the first thing I asked the doctor was if I ripped. Luckily, I did not and I was relieved. Once I was ready to be transferred to my postpartum room, I had to stand. I felt okay but the second time I stood, I’m not going to lie- it was the weirdest feeling ever. I felt sore and weak. I was cleared to go home the following day but Chris and I decided that we wanted to stay another night and have extra help from the nurses. The hardest thing for me was that our whole family left the next day. Our entire support left and I remember feeling sad. However, those 3 days in the hospital were so special and I got to spend them with Chris and our baby. The nurses really helped us and took really good care of us.

PHYSICAL AFTERMATH

Here’s what you need to know physically- you will bleed ALOT, your body will feel like you got ran over, and you’ll probably be very hungry. I remember constantly asking for water and cranberry juice. For the most part I felt okay and healthy. The first night, baby slept the whole time but I stared at her the whole night. I was able to get her to latch right away and it was so special. It felt very strange! The nurses came in over and over but they were so helpful because we were both tired and I couldn’t move much. I just remember crying over and over because I was so overwhelmed with love for my baby. I felt so happy and grateful. The next morning, I showered and got myself ready because I didn’t want to stay in a gown feeling gross. Thankfully my sister brought me the deli sandwich that I had been craving for almost a year. I remember always seeing moms getting into their car with the newborn babies and thinking - soon that will be me- and sure enough it was finally my turn! It was such an emotional moment to put her into her car seat and finally take her home.

I ended up bleeding for about 25 days ( 3-5 heavy days and then after that it’s like a normal period) and had minimal pain. I started walks almost right away and was cleared to work out after 4 weeks. The only thing that I feel will need help is my back and abs. I feel like I have no support because I hadn’t used those muscles for a while. Other than that, I feel good physically.

FIRST 2 WEEKS:

The first 2 weeks were so amazing! I got to spend them with Chris and Karina. I wish I could write in detail how it was but it was a blur. I spent some nights rocking her but other nights I would have to wake her up to feed her. Doctors want you to feed your baby every 3 hours. I have to admit that I was very nervous about the baby blues but thankfully I was not affected by them. I did however cry a lot because I was a little sad that our whole family left and was so happy about my baby, and at moments felt overwhelmed. I am also grateful for friends who started a MEAL TRAIN for us. It was sooooo helpful! That whole first month we didn’t have to buy ANY food. We were so blessed!

BREASTFEEDING:

I am exclusively breastfeeding- meaning, I am not pumping/using a bottle or using formula. When she first latched I was SO excited. I have to admit that it felt very strange at first. Then after a few times my nipples got sore. The first 3 days were so painful and I had to put nipple cream. By day 3, I didn’t know how I was going to get through. Thankfully after days 3 my milk came in and for some reason the pain when she would latch, went away. After that it was easy. I’ll get into why breastfeeding has been hard later when I talk about my baby being colicky. Overall breastfeeding has been enjoyable for me EXCEPT for the fact that I am the only one thats been able to feed her. I remember I got so overwhelmed during week 2 feeling like I was never going to have free time again. Especially because babies tend to cluster feed, so they want to eat very often. Breastfeeding has not been painful for me. The hardest part has been, like i said previously, being the only one that can feed her and not really being able to be away from her- again it’s been my choice to not pump. It’s also a challenge when you go out because you have step away or go into your car to feed. You always need to be near a place where you can feed. I am not comfortable feeding in public, not because I am embarassed but mostly because it kinda of requires full focus and my baby needs help holding her head still. I also hate covers!

SELF-IMAGE

This is a big one for a lot of women. During the first 1-3 weeks I remember excepting that my body would never be the same. I went shopping about 3 weeks later and bought size L and didn’t want to buy pants. I kind of told myself that I would never be a small again. I also decided that I wasn’t going to diet or do anything crazy and just be patient until after I was done breastfeeding my baby. To my surprise, I ended losing more weight than I expected and now I am pretty much back at my weight and the shirt she don’t fit already! I noticed the most difference after 6 weeks. Someone asked me how I did it and honestly I haven’t done ANYTHING. Breastfeeding, sleepless nights, short meals, plus walking helped me a lot. I do feel like my hips are wider but other than that and saggy boobs I feel okay.

STAY AT HOME

I think that this part has been the hardest for me. I have to admit that some days it gets a little lonely. Some days I miss my family. I am used to being on the go all the time. I am used to being around a lot of people. I’ve still been singing on the weekends, so it’s helped me get out of the house. The first weeks I kept practicing taking her in the car alone and doing small trips. It was scary at first but I knew I just had to take her and get used it. She LOVES to cry in her car seat so it’s not always easy. I sometimes have to blast the music and just go wherever it is that I am going. It’s definitely harder to get out the door because I’m having to pack so much stuff and get her in. Once Chris gets home it’s alwysd easier! There are days when I really enjoy being home and other days where I feel like I can’t wait to do more. I also feel grateful that I’ve been able to stay home with her. It’s kind of a battle though because you want to clean but other days you want to just do NOTHING at all and just cuddle with the baby.

LIVING AWAY FROM FAMILY/SUPPORT- This has been SUCH A CHALLENGE FOR ME! As I said before, our entire family left the next day Karina was born. After 2 weeks, Chris went back to work so I’ve been spending everyday with her, alone. There’s days when I feel like I got this and others where I wish I could drive to my moms house. Sometimes I feel like it’s not so much about needing help with the baby but wishing someone could come cook and clean for me and simply keep me company. One of the things that has helped is going to the Mommy Cafe at my hospital. I’ve made some new friends and have constant help from the nurses. I always come home feeling more confident as mother. I do want to add that we spent 3 weeks back home for the holidays so it was nice to get help from my mother in law!

DEALING WITH A BABY WITH COLIC

Omygodness guys, this part has had me in tears! Dealing with an excessively crying and fussy baby is no joke. There have been days when the baby and I both cry because it’s so overwhelming. I’d sit in the living room rocking her and just cry. I would feel so overwhelmed and alone. Colic is when a baby cries for 3 or more hours a day and is more fussy than usual. It’s been at times unbearable. I’ve even experienced vertigo from so much crying. It’s been especially hard because most days I am alone with her and there’s is NO ONE else to hold her or give me a break. The other reason it’s hard is because you constantly worry if it’s something you ate. Then you have people telling you to switch to formula. However, my desire is to breastfeed my baby- so it sucks to feel like you might be causing your chid agony. Keep in mind, colic isn’t always due to something mom ate, there really isn’t an explanation for the excessive crying. Christmas Eve was such a hard day because she cried ALL day. We literally thought something was wrong with her, so we took her to the doctor. Mind you, we were not home, we were up north with family. We were able to get an appointment right away. To our surprise, NOTHING was wrong and doctors agreed that she was a colicky bay. By night time I literally cried myself to sleep. I was sooooo stressed out. Thankfully I have an amazing husband who knows exactly how to comfort me and helps so much with the baby. Low and behold, after a very hard day, the next one is always better. But here we are almost at 12 weeks and I THINK it’s finally over. She’s been soooo much better.

SLEEP

God has been super gracious because we have a pretty good night baby. After 9 or so she’s down. Even in the first weeks she was never “terrible”. At first it would be hard to put her back down. The reason is because doctors have you wake them up at night to feed, so they are in the middle of sleep, so it’s hard to put them back down. Eventually they let you know when they want to eat and you don’t have to set alarms. After about 6-7 weeks she started sleeping at least 6 or 7 hours a night. The other day she slept form 8PM-5:30 AM! That’s 9.5 hours! So we’ve been blessed. Even if she does occasionally wakes up at like 3:30 AM, she usually goes back down. If she doesn’t go back down its because she wants to play and smile but soon enough she’s down. I really don’t sleep during the day and try to stick to my routine and get up at the same time everyday.

DAY TO DAY

The first few weeks I was very patient with myself. I would wake up at weird hours and sleep until about 10 AM. Eventually I felt all over the place and as of late I’ve been getting up at 7, going for a walk, making breakfast, taking a shower, and starting my day before she gets up again. Most of the days include cleaning, catching up, meeting up with a friend, running errands, grocery shopping, lots of laundry and trying to figure out how to still serve at my church from home during the week. She keeps me busy. Then there are days when I feel like I accomplished NOTHING. Overall, I do my best and always have a to-do list. I try to read my devotional in the morning and then just let the day be! Oh, and I always do my morning walks alone. Sometimes int he afternoon I go on another walk and I take her. It’s so easy to just live day by day but I’ve been challenging myself to keep daily and weekly goals. Even if it means getting ready and getting out of the house or catching up with a friend. I try to go out a lot and challenge myself to deal with the crying. It’s not always easy but it’s healthy for me and for her.

FINAL THOUGHTS

I used to hate when people would say that being a parent was hard yet they wouldn’t explain why! I wanted to make sure I wasn't vague when I said that this was a challenge. I wanted to write about how it truly has been for me. In a nutshell what’s made it hard is, very little support and having a colicky baby. We DO NOT feel like we are not ourselves or our lives are over. We decided that we wanted and want to take her everywhere. That’s why she’s already been on a 3 week vacation to the Bay Area over the holidays, she’s already been so disney and she went out 5 days after she was born. Even though sometimes we freak out because we think she might cry, we challenge ourselves and brave it and just go out. We STILL do Friday Night date nights and take her with us. Besides that, I’ve really enjoyed having a baby. I absolutely love her so much. My heart is so full. And to answer your question, YES I want to have more :) Chris and I want our house to be full and we want to make traditions with our babies. How many? We are between 2 or 3 max. Lastly, I really do feel like I am a good mom. I love my baby and I do my absolute best to take care of her, play with her, talk and sing to her, and be present. I don’t feel like a bad mom. I am sure I will have moments when I feel that way but I do feel confident that I was made for this and I have an amazing partner who is making this journey even more enjoyable.

POSTPARTUM ESSENTIALS

Your hospital will give you the essentials: pads, sprays, cooling pads. I bought: Nursing Pads, Pads (for your period), two nursing bras, comfortable PJS, Chamomille Tea and nipple cream. This is all I really needed for the first 3 weeks.

LOVE YOU GUYS. Maybe I will write about what I ACTUALLY needed for a newborn. Thoughts?

I can’t wait to share more of my experience. How were the first 3 months for you? If you are pregnant, what are your fears? What are you looking forward to? I’d love to know! Leave a comment!