No Longer a Newly-Wed *3 Years Later*- (Part 1)
#RealLife #RealTips #JustlikeDay1
I remember 3 years ago I was so eager to move out and start my life with my husband. Between really bad advice, good advice, and what I learned about how God felt about marriage, I decided to marry my one and only in front of my loved ones. We’ve been married for 3 years now as of February 6th and I wanted to take the time to share with you some things I’ve learned and somethings that have worked for us.
Part 1 is going to include some deeper more “REAL” practical tips because let’s face it, we need some real, practical tips that we will ACTUALLY use. I will also do a Part 2 of this blog to share with you some basic things that can help you be excited about your marriage again. I hope this helps, even if it’s in a small way.
5 REAL LIFE- Marriage Tips
1. Find your financial rhythm
Practically this looks like- making a budget for the year, month, weekly, and if you need to- daily. This will help you meet your long and short term goals. Having clear goals financially will avoid a lot of frustration.
Remember that having a budget doesn’t mean you don’t spend money on yourself and things you enjoy, it ALLOWS you to spend money *Dave Ramsey*.
Chris and I are both savers, so this has made this step much easier. It looks us about 6 months to a year to find our rhythm but once we locked it in, we realized that we were staying out of any debt, increasing our savings account, and now also have a healthy emergency fund. We don’t fall apart when emergencies happen (because they will), because we have constant back up.
2. Ask for help
When I first got married, I found myself feeling a little overwhelmed. My cooking was horrible and I felt like my one-bedroom apartment was a 3-story mansion. I felt like I had to do everything to impress my new husband and I realized that with working and church, it was going to be very hard for me if I didn’t ask for help. I don’t know what you have both agreed to but when it comes to cooking but for us-it’s usually 65% me and 35% him (but I love when he cooks because it’s ALWAYS going to be delicious). Although, I love spoiling my husband with breakfast, lunches and dinners, I know when to ask for help. That includes daily tasks like, stopping at the store, laundry, gas, help with the budget, help emotionally, advice, and anything you feel overwhelmed with- that includes asking for prayer when you feel that you don’t have strength.
3. Affirm your partner
It’s so important that you are giving your partner feedback- not just when they are doing something that bothers you but when they are doing something great. I try to make sure I tell Chris that when he cooked well, spoiled me, when I felt supported, when I’m proud of him, and also when I notice that he’s not doing well. I re-affirm him by letting him know that I am there for him and I can pray for him and be strong when he’s not feeling strong. Affirming each other when good things happen helps build trust when you need to bring up something “unpleasant” to your spouse
4. Know your boundaries as a couple
I learned this recently in our 2nd year of marriage. What are boundaries?
They are guidelines, rules or limits that a person creates to identify reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave towards them and how they will respond when someone passes those limits.
Practically this looks like:
Knowing how much time you can spend away from each other
Not being alone with the opposite sex
Not saying rude/harmful/negative strong words to each other-ex. stupid, jerk, loser, dumb, I can’t stand you, (insert your words here).
Knowing when the other person needs more time to think or some space.
Will you do a date weekly, monthly? (Be flexible when life happens- and remember- don’t cancel but rather reschedule)
Spend some time figuring out what boundaries will keep you both happy even if it feels unnatural one side.
5. Pray for each other and together and watch for each other’s spiritual well-being.
This one is really big because I really believe that we are each other’s keeper. If I notice that Chris is having a hard time at work or going through an individual trial, I like to grab some oil and pray over Him. I believe in the power of prayer. I also don’t hesitate to ask for prayer. I constantly ask Him to pray for me, for things that I feel confused about, etc. I love when I know my God is watching over me and that my husband is also making sure that I keep my promises that I make to God. Lastly, PRAY TOGETHER! Yes, have your own time with the Lord as an individual but make time to pray together.
I really hope and pray these tips can inspire you and spark some fresh conversations between you and your beloved. I’d love to hear your tips on marriage- and if you feel it could help someone, please leave a comment below.